So there I was
by Spudzmom
Summary: So there I was, in the wet, spongy crotch a' Washington State, sloggin' through the soupy shit, pissed as all get-out 'cause my boots were fuckin' ruined, when, wouldn't ya know... Twilight/New Moon, Peter/Bella, rated for language. ooc
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the … well shit, nope, I don't own any of it. *sigh*

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A/N: This was written after a chat with my wonderful friend, Mommy4Thomas. I wrote it for her last night because … what is sleep? That, and she asked me to. If you haven't read Mommy4Thomas's stuff, you should. She's awesome, particularly so with Damon Salvatore.

And directly to her, I say: Thanks doll, for getting my muse moving again and for reading my stuff. You're a peach!

To all my lovely readers, I hope you enjoy. Let me know if ya do, please? Also, updates are in the works for Serendipity and perhaps The Tracker, as well. I just needed something to get me over a little stubborn patch. I think this did it.

Light and love,

~Spudz

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So there I was, in the wet, spongy crotch a' Washington State, sloggin' through the soupy shit, pissed as all get-out 'cause my boots were fuckin' ruined, when, wouldn't ya know, I caught a familiar scent.

Then I heard voices.

One belonged to a whinin' little pucker-print named Edward. But the other?

Well, now … the other was human.

And female…

My grin was damn near feral.

With me bein' — well — _me_ , I jus' couldn't let it go without checkin' it out. 'Specially seein' as how it's the pussy boy we're talkin' about.

If ever there was someone on this spinnin' rock called Earth who was just made to fuck with, it was that little self-righteous twat. Somethin' about 'im made my ass itch somethin' fierce, and had since the day I'd met 'im.

Just how the hell Jasper'd managed not ta kill 'im by now was a mystery ta me. Then again, Jasper'd gone pretty soft in his old age and I was fixin' ta tell 'im that too.

Just as soon as I finished up with this here.

Makin' sure my surface thoughts were quiet, I picked my way ta where I could watch the show, and leaned against a tree with my arms and ankles crossed.

I felt like cacklin' at the sight a' the little skid-mark, with his fuck-boy clothes and artsy-fartsy hair-do, but the tears and devastation on the little human's face kinda killed it for me.

Ta be honest, seein' it pissed me right off. I knew he was a good-fer-nothin' turd, but ta do this to a little lady? And in the middle a' the fuckin' forest?

This shit was low, even for him.

He was just leanin' down to kiss her forehead and no doubt make some dramatic jack-wagon exit, when I cleared my throat loud enough even the human could hear.

Let's just say, if vampires could shit, he would'a.

The little human just looked at me with teary, big, brown eyes, not seemin' ta care in the least about my presence.

'Til she saw pussy-boy's outraged reaction.

Then she looked … intrigued.

The shit-stain growled, for all the world soundin' about as intimidatin' as a neutered house cat.

My grin was as wide as I could make it. "Well now, what have we here?" My eyes shifted to the human and I tipped the brim a' my imaginary hat. "Howdy, Miss. Name's Peter Whitlock and seein' as how ya seem ta know this sanctimonious little pecker, I figure ya probably know my brother, Jasper."

She nodded while dryin' her face with the cuff of her sleeve. "Yeah, I know all the Cullens."

My grin widened. "Ya have my deepest sympathies."

"Just what are you doing here?"

Yep, Wee Willie Winkie done found his voice, much to my displeasure.

"Just takin' a stroll in this lovely weather a' your'n. Caught ya scent, heard ya voice, knew ya was most likely missin' me, so thought I'd drop by and say hey."

Ta my surprise, that drew a tiny smirk from the human. The Mama's boy, however, looked like he needed ta take a heapin' big shit and couldn't.

"You're not welcome here."

I laid a hand on my chest. "And here I was thinkin' we was friends."

"We're nothing of the sort!"

Now, I wasn't so lost in my favorite sport a' spinnin' up nancy-boy that I didn't notice the girl takin' everythin' in. And I could tell by the little crease in her brow, and the narrow stare she was eyein' 'im with, she was thinkin'. _Hard…_

Which, I was pretty damn certain, meant nothin' good for the resident ass clown.

Specially seein' as how I'd done decided I's gonna whoop 'is ass so far inta next week he'd have ta look both ways ta see Sunday…

…the minute she gave the word.

"Now see? Jus' cuz I turned ya down last time I's around, don't mean ya gotta go gettin' all hostile. I s'pose ya pretty enough, but I just don't swing that'a way. Nothin' personal, Sweet Cheeks." I threw in a wink and if vampires could shit…

Well, ya heard that 'un already.

He screwed up 'is face. "You're disgusting and you don't belong here. It's taken Jasper years to get any measure of control and your visits never help. He needs to forget about being a murderous animal, not have that lifestyle paraded around and glorified by you. Any friendship you may provide — and believe me, I doubt there's any value to be had at all — isn't worth the risks of having you around!"

I was just in the process of decidin' if his head would fit up his ass better side-ways or straight on, and just how much force and angle it would take ta accomplish the task, when the little human stepped in.

Now, she don' know me, so I'm pretty damn sure she couldn't tell I was 'bout a half a' second away from doin' murder. Still, suffice to say she sure 'nuff caught my attention when she sashayed up, slid her hand up my chest and around my neck then tugged me inta a serious lip-lock.

And a damn fine lip-lock it was turnin' out ta be.

Color me surprised.

"Bella, get away from him!"

Without missin' a beat, 'cause I'm talented like that, I glanced up from our heated little session a' tongue tanglin' to see her raise a middle finger at 'im, and I couldn't help but think…

Yeah buddy, Whitlock…

Shit jus' got interestin'.

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Well? Whatcha think? Review, please?

Light and love,

~Spudz


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it.  
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 **A/N: Had a couple of comments about this Bella's actions being way OOC. I respectfully dispute this, and base my reasoning on the fact that canon Bella had the moxie to stand up to James, confront the wolves, punch Jake for kissing her, cliff dive, face off with the Volturi, etc.**

 **Additionally, she was constantly pushing Edward in their physical relationship. So while she's not what one would consider loose, she certainly wasn't shy in that regard, either.**

 **Besides, when have I ever written a Bella that was fully canon-compliant? lol What can I say?  
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 **Please don't get me wrong though. I'm not upset, at all, by the comments. I just like to explain my reasoning. I may change my characters, but I like the changes to be well reasoned and plausible.**

 **Thanks for all the comments! Keep them coming?**

 **Light and love,**

 **~Spudz**

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 **Chapter 2**

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I had thought the events of my birthday were the pinnacle of shittasticness — yeah, that's a word — but now? Standing here in the soggy forest as Edward summarily dumps me with sorrowful looks, flowery words, back-handed insults, and heartfelt requests that I not pull a Juliet, I realized just how fucking wrong I was.

When I'd moved here, I had thought myself above the baser urges which plague the vast majority of teens the world over.

Me…? Get all wrapped up and mindlessly obsessed over some boy or another? Subject myself to all that hormone-driven angst and drama? _Pfft…_

Not on your life…

I had things I wanted to do, goals to accomplish, a larger life to live. And I was under no illusion anyone would give me these things.

It's a fundamental truth; nobody hands you shit in this life. At least not without some heavy-duty strings attached.

Thanks anyway.

It was all up to me. End of.

I had spent my life up to this point — at least as far back as I could recall — seeing to the needs of my mother; _always_ coming second to my mother, _her_ wants, _her_ needs. And this move? In all truth, it hadn't been self-sacrificing at all. Sure, I told everyone I moved here to give my mother her freedom, but really? I'd moved here to _gain_ mine. I love her and always will, but she was Phil's to look after now, and frankly, it was a weight off my shoulders.

So, how did I get _here_ , standing in the middle of a dripping, mossy copse of trees while a beautiful, immortal boy does his absolute best to shred my heart and any self esteem I had left?

Well, all I can say is curiosity and hormones — especially when combined — are powerful forces. Forces that I had _monumentally_ underestimated, apparently.

As my mind furiously pondered all of this, I knew I probably sounded robotic as I agreed to whatever he was asking.

Go on with my life?

 _…Okay._

Take care of myself?

 _S—sure._

Don't do anything stupid?

 _Wh—What…?_

 _'You arrogant, condescending son of a…'_

As his last request seeped into my shock and pain-numbed mind, I began to get angry. I mean, he'd just told me I wasn't worth his time anymore, that I wasn't good for him, that he didn't want me. That he was also tired of pretending to be human, but not to worry because my feeble human brain was basically incapable of hanging onto anything of significance for long.

A sieve, he'd likened it to…

 _'Asshole…'_

I looked into his eyes and they looked like polished amber gem stones — cold and hard; very unlike the warm liquid gold I had become used to — and I knew … he was done talking.

This was it.

This was goodbye.

Despite the anger that churned just under the surface of my roiling emotions, the pain of it all welled up in such an overwhelming, crushing wave, it stole my breath and nearly brought me to my knees.

I had let down _all_ my guards.

Had allowed him in.

Had come to _love_ him.

Would have sacrificed _everything_.

Gladly died to this life…

For _him…_

But he didn't want me now.

 _'Perhaps, he never had.'_

The feel of his cool hand curled around my cheek broke me from my thoughts enough to realize I was crying.

 _'When had that happened?'_

And then, he was leaning toward me, his cool lips millimeters from placing a final kiss to my brow, when the sound of a clearing throat startled us both.

Edward spun toward the sound with a growl, and I looked beyond him to see a guy — a red-eyed vampire — casually leaning against a nearby tree, arms and ankles crossed and a cocky smirk tilting his blush-tinged lips.

He wasn't polished like the Cullens, but he didn't have the rough look of the nomads I'd seen either. Honestly, he looked a lot like Jasper Hale, though perhaps a bit older when he was changed.

 _'When did he get there?'_

In the back of my mind, I knew I should've been scared or at least worried, but at the moment, I couldn't find it in myself to care.

As I watched, the stranger's smirk stretched into a grin, then he spoke. "Well now, what have we here?" Then his gaze shifted to me and he tipped a hat that wasn't there. "Howdy, Miss. Name's Peter Whitlock and seein' as how ya seem ta know this sanctimonious little pecker, I figure ya probably know my brother, Jasper."

 _'Brothers … explains the likeness… Jasper has a brother...'_

I used my cuff to dry my face as I nodded. "Yeah, I know all the Cullens."

His grin seemed to widen as he said, "Ya have my deepest sympathies."

I resisted the urge to snort at that, but just barely, because at this moment, I agreed with the sentiment. By the look on Edward's face though, I could tell the backhanded barb had hit its intended target, a detail that seemed to delight Peter Whitlock.

"Just what are you doing here?" Edward sneered. It was a bit shocking to me because I'd never heard him speak to someone with such obvious dislike. And this was _Jasper's brother_ … whose eyes were now filled with wicked amusement.

"Just takin' a stroll in this lovely weather a' your'n. Caught ya scent, heard ya voice, knew ya was most likely missin' me, so thought I'd come and say hey."

I found myself smirking despite my situation. Frankly, with every minute that passed, the anger over what Edward had said to me began to override the pain. So, at this point, anything that got under Edward's sparkly skin was good by me.

 _'I'm not good enough for you? Don't belong in your world? My brain's a sieve is it? Well, screw you, you pompous ass cramp…'_

Edward's lip curled as he sneered, "You're not welcome here."

I looked back to Peter as he placed a hand on his chest in feigned sorrow. "And here I was thinkin' we was friends."

It dawned on me, he was baiting Edward.

"We're nothing of the sort!" Edward practically snarled.

Clearly, Peter Whitlock had Edward's number and the thought of that gave me a bit of vindictive satisfaction.

I was kind of taken aback, though, by Edward's level of condescension toward Jasper's brother, as if he didn't think him worthy of basic courtesy.

 _'He doesn't think much of you, either, remember?'_

And Peter, despite seeming supremely amused by it all, hadn't really been rude. Well, not overtly, anyway…

Edward's behavior though, was eye opening.

 _'Love is blind…'_

The thought made my gut churn because it was proving to be all too true. Before today, I never would have suspected Edward Cullen could behave this way or say the things he'd said. But now…?

I knew better.

When I tuned back into the verbal sparring match, Peter had just taunted Edward about being pretty but not his type or something. Then he'd winked.

I found myself liking Jasper's brother more with each passing minute.

Edward was now in the middle of a rant about how bad Peter was for Jasper and his control, among other things.

 _'Disgusting? Murderous animal…? What the hell?'_

Sure, maybe Jasper's control wasn't perfect, but _damn_ … At least give him credit for trying.

And who was Edward to talk, anyway? It wasn't as if he'd never drained a human.

 _'I guess it's tough to see your own faults when you're busy pointing out those of everyone else.'_

I focused on Peter just as Edward was winding down, and his head was canted, as if he was considering something or puzzling out a problem. His eyes had darkened and had a calculating look to them.

He looked … dangerous.

And as attractive as he'd been at first glance, he was now alluring in a way I couldn't dismiss or deny … and frankly, I didn't want to.

 _'Why should I? Edward didn't want me anymore.'_

My eyes shifted to Edward and he looked … wary … _scared_. He subtly shifted and put a little more distance between himself and Peter, whose relaxed pose hadn't changed, but whose aura most decidedly _had._

 _'Edward doesn't just hate this vampire, he's afraid of him…'_

Speaking of Edward, he'd finally shut his mouth, and now I could see a slow, sinister smirk twisting Peter's lips.

He looked like a predator who had his prey right where he wanted him, and that thought did something to my insides. A little thrill curled in my gut and I wondered just what would happen if…

 _'Am I really gonna do this?'_

I gave Edward The Righteous one last glance and realized that yes, damn it … come whatever the fuck may, me and my sieve of a brain was damn well gonna do this.

I watched as Peter's stance changed. He was no longer leaning against the tree but standing straight and tall, his shoulders squared and booted feet slightly spread. His hands hung loose, relaxed, not giving any tells of anger or tension, but the air … the _very air_ around him practically crackled and snapped with it.

He was breathtaking.

It occurred to me then that I _may_ have a tiny danger fetish.

Just a little one…

 _'Screw it.'_

I knew it was now or never. Not sure how I knew that, but I did.

So … I _did._

It took me exactly five determined steps to reach the tall blond Southerner. When I did, I didn't hesitate. While meeting those darkened, red eyes, I ran a hand over his left chest and up to circle the back of his neck, then applied some pressure and prayed he went with it. He did, and the next moment, our lips met and his hands circled my waist and pulled me close.

That little thrill in my gut flared and spread warmly through my whole body as I was kissed like I'd never been kissed before.

It was nothing like Edward's cautious pecks, and it was … _fucking glorious_.

"Bella, get away from him!"

As I'd anticipated, Edward ordered me away.

Well, guess what?

Edward Cullen wasn't getting his way with me ever again.

That bridge was fully engulfed in flames.

Without breaking the kiss, I raised a middle finger salute in the asshole's general direction.

 _'Sit on that and rotate, Cullen._

 _I'm done …_

 _Not to mention a little busy…'_

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Well, what did you think? Please review?

Light and love,

~Spudz


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

A/N: I can't thank you all enough for the response to the story. Y'all are amazing.

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 **Chapter 3**

 **Peter POV**

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"So, I gotta ask," she said with her eyes still closed and the tip of her nose touchin' mine as I held her close, "what _are_ you doing here?" She opened her eyes and leaned back in my arms ta see me. "I mean, you know, are you just passing through, or…?"

Now she gets shy?

I couldn't say I particularly liked the hesitant look in her eyes, 'specially since I knew what'd put it there, or _who_ , rather. "I got nowhere ta be, sugar, so I reckon I can stick around. But, ta be specific, I was headin' over ta visit Jasper."

"Are you quite through, Isabella?"

Ah, the piss ant. I'd almost forgot about him. Not quite, but almost.

She seemed determined ta ignore 'im though, and kept her eyes on mine without sayin' a word.

With a grin I asked, "You hear somethin', darlin?"

Her smile was slow and playful as she caught on. "Nope."

I took a quick glance at Candy Ass who was looking for all the world like he was about ta bust or throw a hissy. "Huh … must'a been a squirrel fart."

That earned me a laugh, and I gotta admit, I liked it. Quite a bit. _'Huh…'_ Somethin' ta ponder later. For now, as much as I was enjoyin' the moment, fact was, we were in the middle a' the fuckin' woods, bein' glared at by the asshat, and it was startin' ta rain … again.

Fuckin' weather…

"Whaddya say we get somewhere's dry, sugar?"

Her hands had been rubbin' little circles on my chest and she looked up, those big, brown eyes kinda' wide, like she hadn't realized what she'd been doin'. I smiled at her and she smiled back, but it was kinda shy, like it was just sinkin' in that she didn't know me from Adam.

My brows inched up as I waited for an answer and she blushed.

"Um, yeah, I guess we should."

"A'right then, where to?"

"Um, my house? I need to change into something dry, and then I can take you, I mean, we can take my truck to the Cullen's, uh, that is, if you want. I mean, I know that you … that we don't—"

"Stop it, sugar."

Her eyes went wide again. "Wha…?"

She was still in my arms, so I tilted ma head and nosed that sweet little tender spot just under her ear, watchin' as the goosebumps raced over her skin as I said, all quiet-like, "Yer young and yer beautiful, sugar." I raised up, grasped her chin, and looked her right in the eyes. "And there's a fire in ya, darlin', I _know_ there is. All ya gotta do is own it, ya hear? Hold ya head up and _own_ it."

She blinked at me, then smiled another slow smile. "I—yeah, okay."

"Damn straight. Now, lead on, sugar."

I let her loose and she took my hand and started walkin'.

"Bella … Isabella! Have you lost your mind? I know you have zero sense of self-preservation, but believe me when I tell you, he is dangerous. Look at his eyes. He's a killer. He will kill you!"

She quit walkin' and tipped her head back, probably askin' the almighty fer patience … or a lightnin' bolt ta strike the fucker, don't rightly know which….

Was kinda hopin' fer the lightnin' bolt, personally.

"Edward, do I really need to remind you that you dumped me mere minutes ago? Now I know my mind's just a sieve and all, but I've somehow — against all odds — managed to hang onto that particular bit of information."

"Yes, I did. To protect you because you don't belong in my world!"

She looked at me, her voice high and sweet as she said, "Peter, Edward doesn't seem to want me in his world. Mind if I hang out in yours?"

I grinned. "Don' mind at all darlin'. Hell, if ya want, I'll even give ya the deluxe tour, jus' say the word."

Her chin tilted up a notch and damn if there wasn't a wicked gleam in her eye as she lifted a brow. "Are there cookies?"

Now, I'll be fucked if I knew what the hell that meant, but I played along while flashin' a wide grin. "Don't know shit about no cookies, darlin', but I guarantee ya gon' _love_ the rides."

She blushed and gave me a high, nervous laugh, then cleared her throat and started tuggin' me along toward her house.

Too much? Yeah, maybe too much…

 _'Shit.'_

"Bella, please don't do this."

Now, I'm a patient man, but this fucker was jumpin' all over my last nerve with both feet.

"You're still here?" she asked just as we cleared the trees into a back yard.

"I am _not_ leaving you alone with _him_ ," the turd snapped.

She shrugged and opened the door, then looked at him. "Suit yourself, Cullen, but you're not welcome here."

Damn if she didn't bust out the last name on 'is sorry ass. Yeah buddy, no doubt about it, he was head turd on little girl's shit parade. I raised my brows and grinned like hell at the fucker as she tugged me inta the house and closed the door in his face. Then she dropped ma hand and stared at the floor while wringin' her hands.

 _'Ah, hell nah. Not this again…'_

"Um, I need to—" she waved a hand to the stairs while mumblin' at her feet. "You can, I dunno, uh—"

I raised her chin with a finger. "Head up, pretty girl, always, ya hear? Now, I know how ta work a TV, sugar. Go do what 'cha need ta. I'll be down here when ya done."

"Okay." She gave me a shadow of a smile and a nod then headed up the stairs.

Forty minutes later, right in the middle a' the newest episode a' Homicide Hunter, she came down the stairs, and lemme jus' say, she smelled damned good. But I didn't wanna eat her.

Well leastwise not the way _you're_ thinkin'…

"I'm ready," she said. She was lookin' at the damn floor again so I dipped my head and caught her eye, then raised a brow.

She smiled, rolled her eyes, and raised her chin.

"Much better." I picked up the clicker and turned off the TV, then got to my feet. "Let's go, sugar."

I waited on the stoop while she left a note for her father and locked up. Then we headed to her truck and she damn near growled when she saw pansy boy standin' there, waitin'.

"You're unbelievable," she grumbled as I opened the driver's door for her.

"I told you, I'm not leaving you alone with him."

I was still standin' by her open door so I wiggled my brows at her. "Could get interestin' later on, ya gotta admit."

She snorted and smacked my abs. "Get in the truck, Pete."

"Yes Ma'am." I walked around to the passenger side and smirked at the boy as I got in. "Later, sweet cheeks," I said while givin' 'im a two finger salute. When I closed the door, she put it in gear and pulled out.

I propped my arm on the door. "Thanks for the ride, darlin'."

She snorted. "You're welcome, but running would've been much faster for you."

My grin was wide. "Yeah, but not near as enjoyable."

"You really don't like Edward, do you?" she asked with a side glance.

"He ain't my favorite person, nah." I looked at her and grinned. "Why? Does it show?"

She chuckled. "Just a tad."

"Well, for what it's worth, _he_ started it."

"Really? What did he do, and when?"

I lifted a hand and shrugged. "He _existed_. And as for when, it was 19 and 53 or thereabouts. I'd gone ta see Jasper. He'd been with 'em for three years or so by then. The boy was a judgmental little pecker right from the get go."

"So," she said with a glance, "are you and Jasper really brothers, or…"

My answerin' nod was slow. "Yeah, we're blood. He was the eldest of us young'uns. I think I's only four maybe five when he joined up and left for the war. Then we thought he'd died. 'Course, he hadn't, well, not really. He'd been turned by the bitch."

"So … how…?"

"How'd I come to be changed?"

"Yeah."

"It was quite a few years later, but the bitch'd moved her coven back to the area North a' Galveston, which is where us Whitlocks are from.

"As the story goes, Jasper'd been givin' her all manner a' shit, buckin' her orders, actin' up, wantin' ta leave, what have ya. Well, she knew the Major still had blood kin, so she went lookin' and found me, ya know, ta hold over his head, keep 'im in line. The rest, as they say, is history."

When she looked at me, her eyes were sad. "I'm sorry."

I chuckled. "Was a long time ago, sugar. Believe me, I'm over it."

I could see a little wrinkle in her forehead and was comin' to realize it meant she was thinkin' on somethin'. "You look older than Jasper."

I grinned. "Yeah, that's a real sore point with the Major."

"So, how old were you? You know, when you were changed."

"I was twenty four, sugar."

"And Jasper?"

I snickered. "Nineteen."

A little smirk curled those pretty lips. "I can see why it's a sore point."

"Works in 'is favor now, don't it? Bit hard to play the snot nosed school boy otherwise."

She noticed my smirk. "You're gonna give him hell about that, aren't you?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I fully intend ta."

As she slowed and turned onto a gravel drive, she cocked a brow. "Something tells me you're trouble, Peter Whitlock."

"Nah, sugar, I'm tame as a kitten and just as cuddly."

"Right. And pigs fly."

My brows hiked up, my smile wide. "I can make it happen."

She snorted and steered around a curve. "I'm not into cruelty to animals, but thanks."

"Pussy boy close enough, then? 'cause I can make that fucker fly too. Wouldn't be a problem."

She laughed and there was that weird, _curly_ feelin' in ma gut again. _'What the hell…?'_

"As tempting as that offer is … I'm gonna have to decline. Carlisle and Esme love him, and hurting him would hurt them."

Gotta admit, I was outraged. "He's a damn vampire, woman. Nothin' I do, outside a' burnin' 'is candy ass, is gonna really hurt 'im."

"Thanks, but no."

 _'Well, shit…'_

"I'm'a still whoop 'is ass. He got it comin'," I grumbled. But it was a purely manly grumble. Not a pouty grumble you'd hear comin' from a less manly specimen — like fuck-boy Cullen, for instance.

"I don't—" She stepped on the brakes and skidded to a stop. "What the hell…?"

I looked to see what'd got her all riled up and, bigger than shit, there sat a movin' truck in front a' the house. What the hell, indeed…

We sat there and watched for a minute or so. "Looks to me like they're movin' shit back _inta_ the house, sugar."

She put the truck inta gear and drove the rest a' the way, then parked.

Wouldn't ya know … there was pussy boy, waitin' alongside Daddy C. As we both got out a' the truck, Jasper showed up, then the rest of 'em ambled up. "Well, damn, ain't this quite the welcomin' committee. I don' know 'bout you, sugar, but I feel plum special!"

From the corner of my eye, I saw ma brother smirk and shake his head.

"Yeah, it is," she muttered with her chin damn near touchin' her chest.

I reached over and tapped her under the chin, then winked when she looked up. "Own it, darlin'." That earned me a smile and a nod.

Jasper stepped up and grabbed me inta a big ol' hug, then shot Bella a curious glance before askin' me, "What are you doing here, not that I'm not happy to see you."

"Is 'at right? What the hell else would I be doin' in this sloppy, too-damn-green, ass-crack of a town? I'm here ta see ma lil' brother!"

Yep, I said the lil' brother shit 'cause I knew it'd piss 'im off. It always did, sensitive fucker.

Little Belle giggled and that distracted him enough that he quit tryin' ta glare a hole clean through me.

"Peter," Daddy C finally greeted me. "So nice to see you again."

I gave 'im a nod.

"What's going on?" Bella blurted.

"I _told_ you we were moving, Bella," the resident moron answered.

"Looks like ya need more schoolin' then, Skippy, 'cause I could'a swore y'all were carryin' shit _inta_ the house instead'a out."

Daddy C rubbed his brow and nodded, then gestured to the door. "Please, won't you both come in? We'll talk inside."

Everybody climbed the steps and headed to the front door but I hung back and gripped the fuck-knuckle by the scruff a the neck. "Let's you and me go on out back for a spell, Skippy."

He twisted outta my hold and I let 'im. "Fine," he snapped while straightenin' his mussed shirt. "Let's get this over with."

"Why, that's a fine idea!" I said with a grin. I followed him around the house inta the back and we squared off.

"Why can't I hear your thoughts?" he asked as I was rolling my head side ta side.

I shook out my arms and answered as I stretched em over ma head. "It's a gift, child. Now, your move, meat stick." I widened my stance, grinned and jerked my chin at him. "Let's see what 'cha got."

Ten minutes later, I walked inta the house and Little Belle rushed me while the rest of 'em just stared. They all knew damn good and well what I'd been doin'.

"What happened? Where have you been?"

I was grinnin' like a loon, 'specially when Jasper raised an eyebrow. It was his 'What shit ya stirrin' now?' look, and I ain't ashamed ta say it was a look I knew well.

"One a' y'all might wanna take fannie annie some pants. He uh, kinda lost his in the fight."

"You fought him?" I took in little Belle's expression and was pleased ta say she didn't look all that upset. That was good, 'cause there was more comin'.

"Also," I drew out, "I'ma need somethin' to put … uh, his manly bits in, 'cause he ain't gettin' 'em back for a while." I looked at all the horrified faces gapin' at me. Belle was calm, but then there was Jasper, who had his arms crossed and his face in a hand, while shakin' with laughter. "So, yeah … anybody got somethin'?" My grin was feral. "I'm thinkin' a tic-tac container should do it."

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Please review? Thanks y'all!

~Spudz


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Kicking around the idea of having Bella involved with both Whitlock brothers. If I do, there won't be any hanky panky between the males. I repeat: **NO SLASH and NO INCEST**. Is this something y'all are interested in? Would love opinions on it, so leave them in a review?

Love and light,

~Spudz

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 **Chapter 4**

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Lord 'a mercy…

I never suspected the removal of a vampire's doo-dads would cause such an uproar. Well, in this case, I reckon ya'd have ta call 'em diddly-doo-dads, 'cause, trust me, there weren't much there ta speak of.

And though th'Major may'a been amused by my usual antics for the first day or two of my visit, such was obviously not the case now, considerin' my current predicament.

Yeah, damn it, even as aged and outta practice as he was, seems th'Major could still get one over on me when he was of a mind ta.

'Specially seein' as how I'd been less than forthright in answerin' 'is direct questions.

The lil' brother comments I'd been makin' _may have_ also been a factor…

And the school boy comments…

All right, so fer the past couple'a days, I'd been pokin' the bear every chance I got … so ta speak.

I'll tell you what though, I'm damn lucky I'm 'is blood kin, 'cause anyone else was ta piss off th'Major the way I do? Let's jus' say they'd be better off sand-paperin' a lion's ass while wearin' a fetchin' pair a' pork-chop panties.

Leastwise, that's how things use'ta be.

Now'a days? Not so sure…

He's school boy extraordinaire Jasper Hale now, and has ta talk fancy and behave 'imself or he gets a stern talkin' to from Daddy C. And then there's his so-called wife… Best I stay away from that particular subject for the moment. But, damn if he ain't down-right domesticated now — Tic-Tac's opinion notwithstanding.

Sadly, that didn't seem ta change my current situation a' bein' clamped in a head-lock in the middle'a the picturesque back yard a' casa de Cullen.

"Ow, damn it! Ease up, Major! Ya fixin' ta tear ma head clean off!"

His grip tightened just that lil' bit more, but I didn't whine about it — hell nah, I didn't. That sound I just made was a manly grunt … that may or may not'a been pitched _just a tad_ bit higher'n usual…

"You gon' 'pologize?"

Despite the direness of my situation, I grinned, or tried to, considerin' his arm was squeezin' my head tighter than a bull's ass in fly season.

Still, I jus' couldn't resist… "Found ya twang, did ya? Ow, ow, shit, Major! Damn!"

"Boy," he growled, "I'm 'bout ta walk a mud hole in ya, then stomp it dry."

Yessir, the twang was back in full force and that only happened when he got 'is back up. For ya Yanks, that means he was plenty pissed.

Then I heard little Belle's voice pipe up just a few feet away. "Thanks, Em."

"My pleasure, Belly-Button." I could hear amusement in the burly vamp's voice, which likely meant nothin' good…

Next thing I knew, sure 'nuff, she's doin' her damndest to drown Jasper and me both with a high pressure garden hose. But who was I ta complain? Not like I's gonna melt from it and it got th'Major to turn me loose.

Pretty sure my response scared her though, 'cause she yelped when I rushed over and grabbed her up to spin her around; gently of course. Despite what ya may think, I ain't stupid; humans puke if ya shake 'em up enough. We won't talk about how I know that, either.

"Now see?!" I said when I stopped spinnin'. "That's what I'm talkin' about, sugar! Take charge! Get shit done!" I was still holdin' her against me with her little feet danglin' and she rolled her eyes. She was fightin' a smile, though, I could tell.

"Yeah, great planning on my part. Now I'm all wet too, so thanks for that."

I chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. "Only fair, sugar, considerin' ya doused us pretty good. But never mind that, little Belle, 'cause yer ma hero. Saved me from the big, bad Major. Where would I be without ya, darlin?"

She raised a brow. "In a chokehold. And after seeing the way the two of you are with each other, you'd have still been there this time next week if I hadn't broke it up. Now, put me down so I can go get some dry clothes on."

"Yes, Ma'am," I said, grinning as I set her on her feet. She promptly narrowed her eyes and poked me in the chest.

"And quit baiting your brother." She turned and looked at Jasper who was standin' there starin' at her with his arms crossed, just as drippin' wet as me. He slowly raised one brow and she seemed to lose some steam under his stare.

Jasper can be an intimidatin' fucker, 'specially when he gave ya 'The Look'. I knew he wouldn't hurt her though, so I tapped her under her chin as a little reminder of our pep talk. It seemed ta work 'cause she squared her shoulders, then looked right back at him. "You're not exactly innocent either, Jasper. I mean, You're brothers, and you need to learn to work things out without fighting."

Jasper's brows jerked up at that. "Me? I think ya got it all wrong, darlin'." He jerked his chin in my direction. "He starts the shit, I finish it."

A tiny smirk curled her lips as she slowly eyed his soakin' wet condition. Then she looked 'im right in the eye just as big as ya please. "No, I believe this round goes to me and the garden hose, Major."

She turned on her heel and marched back inta the house, sweet hips a'swayin', and Emmett, who'd been off to the side watchin' everythin' unfold, snickered. "She's got ya there, Jazz."

Jasper turned his glare ta me and I raised ma hands. I'd done had enough a' him damn near takin' my ears off for one day, thank ya very much. "I ain't sayin' shit, Major."

His eyes narrowed and I knew he wasn't done with me yet. "Nah, you didn't but you're goin' to. Get yourself cleaned up and meet me in my study in half an hour."

I bit back a laugh at the sound a' him squishin' his way inta the house, but then I had ta cringe at the feel a' water in my own boots when I took a step.

I had cleaned 'em up and dried 'em out after gettin' here the other day, but now, with as wet as they were, I knew they were 'bout done for. Damn it…

As I took 'em off ta pour the water out, I could see Emmett watchin' me as he coiled the hose on a rack next to the house. From the look on 'is face, I could tell he had somethin' on his mind, so I took ma time, strippin' my socks and squeezin' the water outta them too. When he still hadn't said anythin' I looked 'im in the eye and lifted a brow.

His eyes narrowed and he finally spit out what he needed ta say. "I like you Pete. You're a hoot, and it's pretty clear that Bella really likes you too but I gotta say this: don't you dare hurt her, because if you do, I'll make you wish you'd never met her."

Now, I tried real hard not ta get my back up at that, but I can't say I entirely succeeded. If there's one thing in this world I hate, it's bein' threatened. 'Specially by Tic-Tac's school-boy 'brother'. Not to mention, _him_ threatenin' _me_ over little Belle was the height a' hypocrisy.

Still, I knew little Belle liked 'im, so for that very reason, I'd cut 'im some slack. 'Sides, I wasn't plannin' on hurtin' her, but even if I was, his little threat didn't scare me in the least. Ya see, the truth a' the matter is that there wasn't a body on this planet, with the exception a' Jasper, that had a ' hope in Hell a' beatin' me in a fight. And I can honestly say, were Jasper and I to really go at it, I ain't so sure even he'd be able ta beat me. At the very least, it'd be a near thing…

I felt all traces a' good humor drop from my face as I looked at 'im. "I'm kinda warmin' ta you too, Emmett, so I'ma give ya a pass this once and not go straight inta kickin' ya ass. But this right here? Consider this ya first and only warnin': don't ever threaten me. Folks threatenin' me, for any reason, makes me down right tetchy, and I _hate_ bein' tetchy.

"Now, I'm givin' ya this pass 'cause a' the sentiment behind the threat. I understand ya desire ta protect little Belle." I tilted ma head and gave 'im a puzzled look. "But I just gotta ask … where the hell was ya when ya so-called brother was tearin' her down with the aim a' dumpin' her in the middle a' the damn woods?

"And since I know ya know the details a' that day, why haven't ya so much as offered ta plant a foot in the boy's ass end? "Cause if that ain't the very definition a' hurtin' her, then I don' know what the fuck is."

He'd hung his head by this point and was just starin' at the ground. I waited until he finally looked up and raised both brows. "Well? Where was ya when all a' that was goin' down? I already know the answer, but I jus' wanna hear ya say it."

"I was here."

"Yeah," I agreed, "but doin' what, exactly?"

I could see his jaw clench, then he locked eyes with me. "Moving everything back into the house."

I jerked in feigned surprise and rubbed ma chin. "Huh… Now, why would ya have ta be doin' that?"

Now he looked pissed, but I wasn't about ta give 'im a pass on this. Yep, I can be just as much of a fucker as Jasper when I have a mind ta. And like I said, as well as I was comin' ta like the burly vampire, I was aimin' ta make my point. I knew the whole story from Jasper. Knew that they'd agreed ta leave to 'keep her safe'. Knew that they'd hauled ass back here when Alice had a vision that Eddie boy decided not ta leave after I showed up. Seemed the boy didn't exactly want her enough ta change her, but he didn't wanna chance anyone else havin' her either.

"Fine, it was because we'd packed up and moved on Edward's request. He convinced Carlisle and Esme that leaving Bella behind was best for all involved. It was debated, but in the end, we all agreed."

He stared at me and I stared back for a long moment. "You're a smart man, so I ain't gonna belabor the point. Jus' know, that threat ya made goes both ways, and mine's at least justified.

"Now, it's clear little Belle loves all y'all, and as decent as I find some a' ya, I'd be just fine never seein' any of ya again, with the notable exception a'my brother, of course. I mean no offense by that, but it's just a fact; I don' tend ta get attached ta many in this life. Keeps things simple that'a way.

"But little Belle? Now, I can't really explain what's goin' on there, but I feel the need ta stick around and see how things play out, so that's what I'm gonna do."

I went inta the house after that, and after a shower and a change a' clothes, headed straight ta Jasper's study.

It was time ta hash things out with th'Major.

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Review please?


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